July 10th - July 16th

At the center of the puddle, close to where the issue lies, floats a packet of mustard. The packet requests more responsibilities, receives word that more tasks are forthcoming: Maybe a job with a ballpark pretzel, says the boss. Perhaps a partially nude hotdog will come along in need of some flavoring. The mustard acquiesces, swelling with a sense of self-worth.

Weeks pass. The puddle is drying up. Plants that have sprouted from the puddle are shutting down or shedding unnecessary limbs. The mustard floats unused, but never unkempt. After an indefinable length of time, another meeting is called. The boss asks the mustard how things are progressing. The mustard was raised to bleed honesty, and tells the truth. The truth sets the mustard free.
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I wore a yellow long sleeve today. I look like a squirt of something that came from the condiment line. Yesterday I was called in by my boss’s boss to talk over how my summer is trotting along. Rumor is I might get some more work. This vicious if not ephemeral rumor has plagued my life before. I reserve the right to get excited. Let’s just say that right has yet to be exercised.

Last night was Frisbee night, the two week anniversary of my arm injury. I played with enthusiasm for two hours, and my legs are bowing and thanking me today for the great workout. Unfortunately, it is hard to walk when your legs are paying you penance by flopping lifelessly against the floor.

Last Friday I invented something that will be remembered by historians as the single greatest addition to office productivity this century. It call it Excel Chess. Excel, which is normally used for spreadsheets, consists of a screen of cells (the jail theme just won’t go away!) that hold either formulae or numbers that “business” people use to “make decisions.” I resized all the cells to be square, and alternated the non-colors black and white in each row. I used clip-art images for chess pieces, and sent the template of the chessboard out to several in-mates. The simplexity of it all is that you just send the moves over e-mail, and the games commence. Side note: as of this writing, my record is 5-0 ladies!

I asked for a résumé review from the Office of Career Development at the B-School and got the feedback from them yesterday. They gave me a lot of bread-winning tips which should propel my piece of paper from the middle of the stack a little closer to the top. It seems like a losing battle, but I have to keep in mind that I am winning the war. I have and experience that no one else does: I’m writing this from an office cubicle with a ruler balanced on my head. Nobody else can say that. Nobody.

I have only 30 working days left in an assignment that started out with 115. I’m thinking of extravagant ways to celebrate. At the moment, I’m leaning toward having a costume party where everyone must dress as their favorite car. Those cars that have nothing to do with Chrysler will receive a taser upon entering. No one will be allowed to leave until the tasers run out of juice. Anyone thirsty?