Monday, June 2, 2008

June 2nd

My weekend closed along with my eyes last night in the early hours of Monday morning. I left the Lakeshore late, after attending graduation ceremonies for the class of 2008. This left me little time for sleep. This would be a problem if I worked in a fast-paced, thought provoking, or intelligence required environment.

I have spent the morning splitting needles and finger painting my mind into a corner. My away message on our interdepartmental chat platform reads “I am away artfully drawing the most beautiful blank you have ever seen.” I am carefully considering cultivating at least one split personality to help me pass the time; someone to take my mind garbage out every few days would be nice.

Like the raw passion between a chicken and its egg collector, I just want someone to come and take away my ovally white hate of all things work related. I have read nearly all articles that have ever been posted on MSN.com. I now know everything; including, but not limited to, “8 things that will make your eyes skillfully implode” and “25 things not to say to your supervisor when pigeon birth rates fall below the Mendoza line.” Most of my inactivity stems from the fact that most plants are now completely scheduled in reference to the ’08 year – and we don’t start scheduling ’09 cars for a week or so. The remedial tasks that are thus asked of me in the meantime could easily be completed by a moderately clever medieval pitchfork.

Word has it that an intern Ultimate Frisbee game is to take place tonight on the campus of Oakland University, providing me opportunity to exorcise my hauntingly sedentary spirit-friend Cellulite. For those of you who don’t know what Ultimate Frisbee is, it is football for people who

A) Were dropped as teenagers

B) Were born North of Texas and didn’t grow up in a cornfield

C) Don’t view hair as something that needs cutting

D) Prefer soy milk to steroids

E) Can count

W. King’s Monday Advice: Don’t take stabs in the dark unless you are a Slow Loris or in a serious relationship with a bag of baby carrots. There are very few nocturnal visionaries in this night and age.

2 comments:

Ismi Kyle said...

I was unaware that Chrysler employed such talented turtles. Where might I purchase one of these?

Wesley King said...

as counter-intuitive as this may seem, i've heard that it is better off if you just let these turtles come to you. they are avid researchers, and, if you are worthy of their attention, they will find you...